Rome was not built in a day – but with time and effort, it is possible to create an environment where individuals seek challenge, have autonomy within boundaries, and consistently encounter the ‘flow’ state.
Hearing the phrase ‘complex family’ triggers various responses based on the conversation in which it is heard. A close friend said she knew exactly what that was and ‘definitely had’ one. A roommate explained that he could write the whole paper if need be. The rarity of comprehension regarding what a complex family system is categorized as is the driving force behind the selection of this topic. Many people believe that having a complex family system is interchangeable with having a complicated family. However, this could not be farther from the truth.
A complex family system blends autonomy and attachment at the molecular level, where involvement and freedom are bound together evenly, where support and harmony provide the edges through which lessons can be learned. A complex family environment provides space for creative freedom within a set structure. By managing attentional energy, the complex family system develops people with autotelic personalities that lead to life satisfaction and talent development. Although it may not be possible to convince your complicated family to begin the journey toward becoming a complex one, what if it was possible to manipulate your present state so that when you encounter a boring situation, you sought after stimulation and challenge to make the situation more complex?
Although Rome was not built in a day, how much faster could it have been made if the Romans understood and implemented a complex family system?
Facilitating a complex family system is a continual ebb and flow between involvement and freedom…support and harmony. Parents can facilitate a complex family environment by providing space for creative freedom within set boundaries. When a child asks a parent if they can paint on the walls, instead of the initial gut reaction of ‘no,’ a parent who understands the values of a complex family system could reply with an alternate solution in which both the wishes of the child are granted, yet within specific parental boundaries. This environment can also be coined a ‘yes…but’ system. By allowing the child to be involved in the decision-making process and providing a space for creative freedom to flourish, autonomy is not only promoted but rewarded! While rewarding and reinforcing autonomy, parents can redirect where the autonomy goes. Therefore, integrating support for the child’s desires harmoniously and blending them with parental boundaries. Creative innovators are raised in such environments (Wagner, 2012).
In an interview with Dr. Brené Brown, she discusses the difference between kid-focused families, parent-focused families, and family-focused families. When an individual expresses interest in various extracurricular activities, they bring their interests to the table, and the family decides what would be best to keep the family healthy. In her example, she shares that instead of going on a 4-week book tour for her launch, she will go on a 2-week book tour. Brown elaborates that the family “is the system that they serve… not the kids at the parent's cost or the parents at the kid's cost, it is the family” (Ferris, 2020, 24:30). Her theory on parenting can be explained as providing a loving course from compliance to commitment… it seems pretty familiar, yes? Dr. Brown then explains how she and her husband strive to say yes as much as possible, and when they say no, it is explained thoroughly. If a leader, parent, or coach expects their followers to buy in blindly while not having a voice in the matter… it is a recipe for repression where individuals are scared to voice their thoughts, try new things, and be themselves.
To produce an environment in which people and athletes can optimize their potential, a complex family system is a great place to begin. Necessary ingredients include support, harmony, involvement, and freedom. When athletes are bought into their development and want to succeed, their sense of autonomy is high. When coaches can provide support and allow the athlete to be involved in their development, the sense of attachment in the athlete is high. The critical message that needs to be shared is for coaches, parents, athletic trainers, and athletes themselves to meet people where they are at. The complex family system theory and its approach to development is contingent on a mutual understanding between the individual and their environment.
If people could say yes, like Dr. Brené Brown, provide complete freedom within a whole structure like Coach Walton, and approach athletics and sport as an entire entity, then facilitating a complex family system where people can thrive is vital to how Rome can be built in a day.
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